Racing Thoughts

As I was talking to my mom the other day on the phone and talk of wedding plans came into the conversation, it hit me like a ton of bricks that in nine short months, we will be getting married. At first when she started to discuss details and dress shopping, I didn't think too much of it, thinking we had plenty of time left...ha! The more we discussed, the more clearly I was able to picture everything in my head. I know what I want, what I don't want, and what I desire. And, from the sounds of it, my mom has been (very) hard at work planning, thinking, and creating what is going to be our magnificent winter wonderland wedding. I cannot stress enough just how thankful and grateful I am to have such a wonderful, talented, loving, caring mother.

With the details continuing to unravel, we have hit a crucial point of our planning stages. The colors (ice blue and silver) have been picked, attendants have been chosen, and ceremony details have been discussed in length. I view our wedding day as not only Matt and I symbolizing our love for one another, but also unifying our family. With that being said, I want to include Kaylin in as much of the ceremony as possible. Having a unity candle with three wicks; Matt and I lighting our own and all three of us lighting the third, having Kaylin stand by me instead of behind me during the exchanging of the vows, etc. While some may view this as odd, my response to them is, what is normal? So many couples nowadays have children before marriage, and there are some who are pregnant on their wedding day. My views and beliefs are very open and non-traditional, and I want that to reflect our wedding day. Of course, there are certain aspects of a wedding I feel as though should be traditional. I do not feel as though a white dress is appropriate for me seeing as how I have a child. It is my personal opinion, but I believe ivory would be much more fitting (and compliment my skin tone). This is only the tip of the ice burg as far as the details are concerned, but I believe everything is coming together quite nicely!

Since my mom and I's talk, my mind has been racing (to say the least). Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought there to be so many minute details and preparations when it came to a wedding! However, I have waited and hoped for this day for quite sometime, and am determined to make it one of the best days of mine and my (future) husbands life. I am extremely fortunate that he is on board with everything and has put in his two sense when it comes to the planning. He is working on a power point for the reception of us growing up, and has suggested we write our own wedding vows. Now, for those of you that know my fiance, he is one phenomenal writer. Words cannot express the talent this man has when it comes to his poetry and genius stories. While I fear he will put my vows to shame (and make me cry hysterically), for him to have suggested this absolutely melts my heart. I am so anxious and excited to hear his beautiful words flow from his mouth to my ears, and I only hope I am able to express my love for him in a way that lets him and our guests know just how very much I love him.

While each and every plan has fallen perfectly into place thus far, the big fear I have is about to be put to the test this next month. I have yet to meet a bride who hasn't lost weight in order to fit into a wedding gown. And, while I have nothing against this, I refuse to change my appearance in order to fit into a dress or any item of clothing for that matter. I love my body, and so does my fiance, so why go through all of those outrageous steps? I want my dress to compliment me, not for myself to compliment the dress. I am aware I am not a size 2, but I embrace my curves; every woman should. My biggest fear is that I am not able to find my dream dress. I have the exact picture in my mind of what I want my dress to look like; an ivory, 3/4 length sleeved, beaded, lace, deep v-neck wedding gown, fit for a princess. I want to feel beautiful, sexy, and classy. As I walk down the aisle, I want Matt's jaw to drop and to see a stunned, overjoyed look in his eyes. I am hopeful I find my perfect dress, so more to come on that next month!

With plans of our families getting together next week, the wedding bliss will not be far from my mind. Life has seemed to get the best of me, leaving me little time to focus on anything other than work, school, and Kaylin. And, I fear if things slow down, thoughts of our wedding will overflow my mind, leaving me so excited and overjoyed that these next nine months would drag by. For now, the anticipation will continue to grow and dreams of our wedding will continue to fill my mind as I sleep each night. As this exciting day becomes more surreal with each thought, I continually thank God for sending me such an incredible man to share the rest of my life with. I have such an infinite amount of love and happiness in my heart as we continue counting down the days until our family is united as one.